The Water Surrounded Me, Even To My Soul...p2
by Anna
Summary: What if Michaela never come to CS?


Good afternoon," the middle-aged woman stood up from the bureau.   
  
  
"You obviously came to the wrong door…" she added, looking at Sully's jacket.   
  
  
"That's a clinic, isn't it?" Sully asked, catching his breath, "I need a doctor for my son!"   
  
  
"It hurts!" Brian cried again  
  
  
"I'm sorry, Mister," the secretary looked at them coldly, "but this is a private clinic, and I doubt that anybody here could help you…You'd better visit the charity hospital, it's not so far from here."   
  
  
"I'll pay the doctor." Sully said  
  
  
"I'm sorry," the secretary repeated, "some of our patients are persons of Boston society, and…well I..."   
  
  
"I thought that the job of every doctor is to care and cure all the sick?" Sully lost his patience, "but if you can just stand here and look indifferently at this boy, crying in pain…well then, you're right, I came the wrong door!"   
  
  
He turned away, but was stopped by another woman's voice from the next room, "What's the matter?"   
  
  
This woman was young and beautiful. She held a stethoscope in her hands. "Mrs.Lewis," the secretary began, but she interrupted her angrily:   
  
  
"I've asked you a lot of times, Nora, call me "Dr.Quinn", please!"   
  
  
"You're a doctor?" Sully wondered  
  
  
"Indeed. And you were right – every doctor must care for the sick, no matter if they can pay or not. I will check your son's arm. Tell me how he hurt it?"   
  
  
She walked toward him, smiling and tenderly reached out for Brian.   
  
  
"I fell from the staircase." Brian said through his tears.   
  
  
"Don't worry , I'll fix it!" she smiled, "What's your name?"   
  
  
"Brian Cooper, and this is Sully, my Pa."   
  
  
"Nice to meet you…My name is Dr.Michaela Quinn…".  
  
  
"But…I need to ask Dr.Lewis......." Nora said nervously.   
  
  
Michaela's eyebrows shifted angrily:, "I'm a doctor as well, Nora, please, remember that!"   
  
  
Turning back to Brian, "I 'll give Brian some laudanum for the pain." Michaela offered, "and I don't think his arm is broken. I think he's just dislocated it. It can be reset." She looked at Brian's Pa, "It will be painful....." she said softly.   
  
  
"That's ok doc, Cheyenne teach their kids to bear any pain without a sound." Brian said proudly, "Cloud Dancing told me so."   
  
  
"Cloud Dancing?" Michaela wondered. "An Indian?"   
  
  
"Yes, he's my best friend," Sully said, "even more than just friend – my brother. He is a Cheyenne medicine man and he saved my life several years ago. His herbs and plants have helped a lot of people."   
  
  
"He's a doctor?" Michaela asked, manipulating Brian's arm.   
  
  
"In the Cheyenne nation." Sully replied.   
  
  
She nodded, then pulled boy's arm. Brian moaned softly.   
  
  
"Done. Take it easy for a few days, okay?" She patted his hand.   
  
  
"Sure. Thank you, Ma-am."   
  
  
"Thank you, Doctor Quinn." Sully said , "When I can take him home?"   
  
  
"I want him to stay here for the night. He hit his head, and I need to check on him, to avoid concussion…head trauma…"  
  
  
"Matthew and Colleen, my brother and sister, would be worried." Brian cut in.   
  
  
"Your Pa will tell them." Michaela answered  
  
  
"I don't want to bother you." Sully objected, "but I'd better stay here with Brian. He has bad dreams at night from time to time, so he needs me nearby…I'll just go tell the others and them come back."   
  
  
"Of course," Michaela smiled, "and don't worry , Mr.Sully, Brian will be fine."   
  
  
Brian slept peacefully in one of the recovery rooms, while Michaela and Sully sat in a small room downstairs, talking.   
  
  
"I'm sure it isn't easy to raise three children by yourself."   
  
  
Sully shrugged, "Not so bad, they're the only family I have…"  
  
  
"And your wife?" Michaela asked carefully  
  
  
"She died three years ago, in childbirth, both she and our baby."   
  
  
"Oh…I'm sorry." Michaela said, feeling she had intruded.   
  
  
"These, these three are not really mine," Sully continued, "I'm going to adopt them, and that's why I came here, to Boston."   
  
  
"Oh? Where are you from, Mr.Sully?" She asked. "Colorado territory, small town called Colorado Springs… the Wild West." He smiled and chuckled a bit.   
  
  
She suddenly turned white, and he noticed this,   
  
  
"What's wrong, Dr.Quinn? You have some bad memories about the place?"   
  
  
"No…no, nothing's wrong with me," she quickly answered…"Well…have you any physician there......aside from your Indian friend?"   
  
  
Reverend asked for a doctor, and some doctor answered him, but didn't come…Now we have Doc Cassidy from Denver, but he's interested in his horses and poker much more than in his job…so I prefer Cloud Dancing's medicine.   
  
  
We'd be glad to have a doctor as good as you out there," he suddenly added, " I think you have a lot of patients here."   
  
  
"Not so many," she confessed, "this clinic belongs to my husband."   
  
  
"I'm sure, he appreciates your medical skills." Sully said seriously,   
  
  
"I've seen that Brian stopped crying as soon as you even touched his bad arm."   
  
  
Michaela just sighed:   
  
  
"David changed a lot since the war began, first he was wounded badly, and then was taken prisoner. He suffered so much when he was in a prisoner-of-war camp…Mr.Sully, were you in the war?"   
  
  
"Yes I was," he answered reluctantly, "but I don't want to talk about it…excuse me…and, please, just call me Sully, without "Mister"."   
  
  
"Fine," she agreed, in a whispered tone, "and you must call me Michaela."   
  
  
They were talking all night long, and Michaela felt she knew this man for a long time. She told him about her innermost feelings and thoughts, she never shared with her mother, or friends, or even her husband…There was only one person who knew everything about her – Josef Quinn, her father. And now another: this stranger she had only met a few hours earlier, but this was enough to trust him. Truly said, she felt more comfortable and happy with him than with David…  
  
  
After the dawn Michaela examined Brian once more. His pupils were normal, and his arm was much better. Sully took him home, promising to visit her before they left Boston…  
  
  
All day Michaela felt absent-minded, and she knew it was not caused just by the sleepless night. She couldn't help thinking about Sully.   
  
  
More and more, she pictured in her mind his features – his deep blue eyes, his kind smile, his sun-bleached long hair with a strange thin braid at the left side…  
  
  
They could be good friends, if she had lived in Colorado Springs…very good friends…perhaps, even more than friends.   
  
  
She sighed gravely…Before this day she avoided even thinking that her marriage with David was a mistake….  
  
  
Michaela remembered David as a romantic, gentle, and kind man, who loved her and admired her courage to be a doctor. Now he'd changed, as she told Sully so…Now he was gloomy , jealous and unbalanced.   
  
  
When Michaela just graduated medical college, she dreamed about the clinic where she could cure poor and sick people, sometimes for free, as her father often did…Instead , they owned the splendid clinic for rich Bostonians, and their diseases are mostly made-up – because David told her that he couldn't look at suffering people every day… She knew that he was suffering so much when he was at the prisoner-of-war camp, and tried to understand his feelings. She hoped he could be the David she once loved…  
  
  
She hoped that having children would help his recovery…But as soon as she told him so, he answered firmly,   
  
  
"Michaela, we're not young and the risk…Besides that, it's impossible to concentrate on medicine while the children are running and screaming around. I want to live a comfortable and quiet life together with you…I think, I deserve this…"  
  
  
Today, after she met Sully, she became aware, that David would never change. Sully lost his parents when he was a child, then his wife and baby…but, in spite of his own pain and losses, he remained kind and responsive to other's pain, while David just felt sorry for himself, and enjoyed this more and more…  
  
  
Why? Why did she back out and not go West?! She could see Sully every day, and even, possibly, live the rest of her life with him…with the man who seemed to understand and respect her.   
  
  
She stood up and approached to the large mirror.   
  
  
"Michaela Quinn, did you really fall in love? she asked herself. And sadly nodded in answer….  
  
  
This time, Sully stood near the window, looking at the street absent-minded. He couldn't help thinking about this lady-doctor, her beautiful face, silk bronze hair, her unusual eyes, and her gentle smile. He wanted to see her again, more and more, as soon as possible.   
  
  
Then he imagined her in Colorado Springs, instead of Dr.Cassidy. He could help and support her, and be her friend…perhaps, even more than a friend.   
  
  
They could live the rest of their lives together, adopt the Cooper children together…and perhaps, have their own baby, a little girl named Katherine, after his mother…  
  
  
"How foolish!" he shook his head, "she's already married, she's a rich and refined Boston lady, and has nothing to do in such a wilderness."   
  
  
"Sully? Sully!" Brian tugged at his sleeve, -"Can't you hear me?"   
  
  
Sully finally turned to Brian, "What? Sorry, I didn't hear you…"  
  
  
"Here's a letter for you." Brian handed him an envelope. The letter was from Ethan. He suggested Sully meet him at the bar not far from their boardinghouse.   
  
  
"Good news?" asked Brian.   
  
  
"Yup, very good." Sully smiled, "Tomorrow I'll become your Pa!"   
  
  
Happily hugging Brian, he shook his head again, struggling to keep the vision of the beautiful Dr. Michaela Quinn out of his mind.   
  
  
"Nora told me you examined some vagrants in my clinic?" David asked.   
  
  
"They are not vagrants! And I thought it was our clinic David!"   
  
  
Michaela exclaimed, "They came so far. The boy dislocated his arm, and I just set it…I believe you'd help him also."   
  
  
"Sure, I suppose so, but why didn't you wait for me?"   
  
  
"I'm 'a doctor', David, do you still remember this? I'm a doctor, just like you! I didn't say a word when you didn't sign my name on the shingle, but now you tell me that I have no right to examine patients!"   
  
  
"Yes," he answered, "I don't want you to examine my patients."   
  
  
Michaela couldn't believe her ears!   
  
  
"When we were courting,: she said, her voice trembling a little from the anger, "you told me you admire my courage to be a doctor, and you told the same to my father, when you proposed to me. So, you were lying?"   
  
  
"No, but something changed. Now you're a married woman.".   
  
  
"......And what?"   
  
  
"Michaela," he said, "you must understand…we live in a certain society, and must obey its rules…I'm personally not against you being a doctor, but some of the patients don't want a woman to examine them., so I could lose my practice."   
  
  
"So, I must stay at home, or hide somewhere every time a patient visits you?" She felt her anger rising.   
  
  
"You could concentrate on scientist work, or even assist me in surgery…But I need to check on the patients myself in my clinic…"  
  
  
"Assist you?! David, I think, you just don't want to confess, that I'm a better physician than you…Medicine is my job, my life, if you want to know not just a fancy eccentric rich lady! You told me about YOUR practice, YOUR prestige, YOUR feelings – why don't you think about MY feelings?! Why do you think you have the right to decide for me?!"   
  
  
" I'm your husband, Michaela.!"   
  
  
"Yes, but you're not my master, and I'm not your servant. I'm a grownup, and I'm able to make my own decisions!"   
  
  
"Oh, yes," he said sarcastically, "your own decision was to go West, into the wilderness…Thanks God, you were so clever to turn around and come back!"   
  
  
"No!!" she yelled, gripping her hat and mantle, "I was foolish not going there!!!"   
  
  
Then she rushed out of the clinic.   
  
  
"Michaela!" he screamed, "Michaela, come back… please!"   
  
  
But she didn't even turn back…  
  
  
  
Michaela didn't know how many hours she had walked around thinking how dare he! How dare he say this ! How could he, after he told me and then my father, that he would be happy to have such a partner as me in his clinic! Oh my God, I was so happy, when he held my hand, putting the wedding ring on my finger, but what has happened since then?   
  
  
I've lost all my rights…Why didn't I listen to what my father told me about David! He always thought that David was too selfish, too self centered for me, but I always thought he was jealous.   
  
  
"Hey, lady, why you walking here all alone?"   
  
  
She suddenly heard someone's drunken voice from the behind She rushed aside, but two tall figures blocked her way.   
  
  
"Get out of my way!!!" she yelled.   
  
  
"No little lady," one of them said, "we 're just going to accompany you,"   
  
  
"Just spend some time with you!" another one added with a chuckle.   
  
  
"LEAVE ME ALONE!!!" she yelled louder, "I don't need your company . Leave me alone, or I'll yell for the police!!!"   
  
  
The first man turned to his friend, "Hey, Bob, have you ever seen any policeman here?"   
  
  
"Never…"  
  
  
"So, we'll take you, lady, even without your permission…"  
  
  
"She was going to scream as loud as she could, but the man who was standing closest to her, suddenly withdrew a knife from his boot and waved it near her face…  
  
  
Michaela could only utter a whisper, "Please…don't kill me…"  
  
  
"Nobody's going to kill you," another ruffian grinned "if you'll be a good girl and come with us without any screaming. You're a pretty girl."   
  
  
He grabbed Michaela, and turning her, dug his wet lips into hers.   
  
  
In that moment, someone's hand squeezed his shoulders and threw the ruffian away from her.   
  
  
The first man withdrew his knife again, rushing to the stranger, but within a few minutes, the knife clinked on the ground, and the both ruffians disappeared in darkness.   
  
  
Michaela still stood, frozen, her rescuer slowly drew himself up, catching his breath, and Michaela suddenly recognized the long sun-bleached hair, the leather jacket.   
  
  
"Michaela, is that you?" he asked, astonished,   
  
  
"What are you doing here, all alone?"   
  
  
But she couldn't speak. She just cuddled up to him, shivering and crying. He gently stroked her disheveled hair, whispering into her ear,   
  
  
"Please... ...please, Michaela…don't cry.. it's all over, you're safe."   
  
  
Finally, the stream of tears eased, and she lifted her head, looking into his eyes, deep and kind…  
  
  
"Sully…you saved my life…how did you get here?"   
  
  
"Met Ethan, my kids biological father, at a bar nearby. Ah....he's usually playing poker there, I think that is his "business". But it doesn't matter anymore!" he added proudly, "he signed all the papers!"   
  
  
"He did? Oh Sully that's wonderful!" Michaela said.   
  
  
Suddenly, her eyes filled with tears again:   
  
  
"Oh, I was so scared…when he grabbed me like this…"  
  
  
"That's all over now, don't worry," Sully soothed her, " I'll take you home.."   
  
  
"They could be somewhere around here still." Michaela said.   
  
  
"Don't worry," Sully told her firmly, "I'll never let them, or anyone else, hurt you…"  
  
  
They walked along the street and soon Michaela stopped under the torch to fix her disheveled clothes and hair. She didn't want to explain anything to David, who would obviously tell her that this is another foolish action she did.   
  
  
Michaela raised her hand to set her hair and suddenly stopped, as she noticed the blood on her palm. She turned her head to Sully and saw the wide blood stain on his white shirt.   
  
  
"Sully!" she said in a low voice, looking at him fearfully , "you're bleeding…here on the right side."   
  
  
"Just a scratch," he objected, "I guess he scratched me with his knife. Don't fret, it's nothing."   
  
  
"No," she told him stubbornly, "I'll get you to your boardinghouse, and then treat that wound."   
  
  
Sully shook his head, "Thank you, Michaela, but it's nothing to worry about…really …"  
  
  
He suddenly swayed, and instinctively grasped Michaela shoulder to regain his balance.   
  
  
"Oh Sully," she said, "certainly you can't go anywhere in your condition. Just lean on me and show me the way."   
  
  
The boardinghouse was not so far, but they needed to walk very slowly. Sully grew weaker with every minute, and Michaela looked with great concern at the greenish pallor of his face and the beads of sweat on his forehead.   
  
  
Finally, they approached the boardinghouse, and Michaela knocked at room door…  
  
  
"Sully!!!" Colleen rushed to him, her eyes fillled with horror, "What happened?!"   
  
  
"I'm fine," he struggled to stay straight, "Ethan has signed all the papers."   
  
  
He leaned against the wall and slowly slipped down to the floor…Matthew barely caught him, as he collapsed. He carefully put Sully on the cot, then turned to Michaela,   
  
  
"Excuse me, Ma-am…but who are you?"   
  
  
"I'm a doctor, Dr.Quinn, and your Pa saved my life, when some ruffians attacked me on the street."   
  
  
She threw her mantle and gloves on the chair: "I need to stop the bleeding and clean the wound. Where can I wash my hands?"   
  
  
Matthew still looked at her suspiciously  
  
  
"She's a good doctor," Brian told his brother, "she fixed my arm, when I fell down from the staircase." He turned to Michaela, "Dr. Quinn," he said tearfully, "Please.....make Sully well."   
  
  
"I will Brian, I promise." she told the boy.   
  
  
Finally she cleaned and bandaged Sully's wound. The kids watched her silently.   
  
  
"How is he?" Colleen finally asked.   
  
  
"He's lost a lot of blood," Michaela explained, "but his vital signs are good, he should be fine, however, he must stay in bed for a few days.   
  
  
"Thank you Dr.Quinn," Matthew said. "How much we owe you?   
  
  
She shook her head, "Nothing."   
  
  
"We're able to pay." He insisted.   
  
  
"I know," she answered, "but I owe him much more."   
  
  
"I'll get you home, it's awful late." Matthew offered.   
  
  
She approached Sully's bed again, looking at him with some concern, then put her hand on his forehead. Her eyes conveyed anxiety.   
  
  
"What's wrong?" Colleen asked, noticing Dr. Quinn's expression.   
  
  
"I'm afraid he's running a fever. I'll stay here, I'll need to check on him until the fever breaks."   
  
  
"Then we'll stay here too," Brian declared, "after all, he's our Pa."   
  
  
Sully opened his eyes, and was unclear at first, was he dreaming or was this Michaela sitting next to his bed, holding his hand.   
  
  
"Michaela?" he whispered.   
  
  
She leaned forward. "Sully?...."   
  
  
"Michaela.. that really you?"   
  
  
"Yes Sully, I'm here," she placed a damp cloth gently on his forehead, "don't try to speak, just rest."   
  
  
"What..happened?" he asked with difficulty, his voice hoarse.   
  
  
"You've been hurt, and you have an infected wound, here, drink this, it will help to reduce your fever."   
  
  
He struggled to sit up, "The kids, where are they?"   
  
  
"They're fine Sully, I've told them to sleep a little, they were here with you almost all the night."   
  
  
She poured something into the glass, and put it to his lips. He drank, then leaned back on the pillows, as she gently sponged his face and chest with another wet cloth. He closed his eyes, relaxing, but when she thought he was asleep she stopped and his eyes fluttered open again,   
  
  
"Michaela.." he weakly squeezed her hand, "....please, don't leave. I love you."   
  
  
She was shocked.. How desperately she wanted to answer him the same!   
  
  
But she couldn't, and her heart ached, "I'm.....I'm not going anywhere," she said, fighting back tears, "Now, close your eyes and try to sleep."   
  
  
Sully closed his eyes, and within a minute drifted off to sleep, still holding her hand.   
  
  
When his breathing slowed and deepened, Michaela leaned to him and touched his cheek with her lips.   
  
  
"I love you too, Sully," she said in a whisper, "Oh, my God, what have I done!"   
  
  
When Sully had awakened again, Michaela was still sitting near him.   
  
  
"Morning," she smiled at him, "How do you feel?"   
  
  
"Better," he answered, "thank you."   
  
  
He still was groggy, but definitely better. "Good. Seems your fever is gone. Let me check on your wound." She carefully removed the bandage, "Your wound looks much better as well. You need to take it easy for a few days, and then you'll be as good as new. Now I need to change the bandage."   
  
  
As she leaned closer and he raised himself to sit up, their faces were inches apart and suddenly, their lips met in a deep and loving kiss.   
  
  
Both of them were bewildered with this, however, both of them couldn't help to splash out their feelings.   
  
  
"I'm sorry....." Sully finally muttered, "I'm sorry, Michaela. I shouldn't.... not .."   
  
  
But she covered his mouth with her palm, "Don't apologize, Sully.. Truth is, I wanted this apparently as much as you." She took a deep breath. Sully.. I can't hide this from you anymore. That was me, who was going to be a doctor in Colorado Springs. I was scared and returned back from St Louis. I could have been there, with you, but I just shrank from going there."   
  
  
Sully said nothing, there was nothing he could say. But Michaela could see pain and despair in his blue eyes.   
  
  
"When I was back in Boston," she continued, "I was so happy to know that David was alive. I was so happy to meet him again, to be with him. I'd thought that being his wife would be the happiest time in my life." Michaela sighed, "But then....well, I became aware, that he is not the David I love anymore. "I've married some stranger, Sully, some stranger, who doesn't care about my thoughts and feelings. He was suffering so much during the war and I tried to understand this.   
  
  
Then I met you, and understood, how much I've lost staying here, in Boston. I gave up there and I shouldn't have, and now everything is wrong!"   
  
  
"Michaela, I always thought I never could love any woman again after my wife's death," Sully's voice was low and sad, "but meeting you made me see I was wrong. I've fall in love with you, Michaela. I love you with all my heart. But I don't want to hurt you, I'd never go between you and your husband, that's something I can't do."   
  
  
"Oh Sully, I know," she said, "Don't blame yourself, this was all my fault."   
  
  
He took her hand, "I'll be leaving tomorrow, but I'll remember you for the rest of my life."   
  
  
"I don't think you're up to such a long trip yet." she said uncertainly, "Perhaps, I need to check on you one more time."   
  
  
"No, Michaela, thank you It would be too painful for both of us."   
  
  
She felt the tears in her eyes, "You're right. Then, farewell, Sully.   
  
  
Give my regards to the children. You are a good father..and they are good children."   
  
  
He lifted her hand to his lips and gently kissed it, "I'll never forget you, Michaela."   
  
  
The next day Sully went to the train depot and purchased the tickets  
  
  
despite Colleen and Matthew trying to persuade him to stay in bed for one more day. They were unsuccessful, so the new family packed their bags and were ready to leave the next morning.   
  
  
Brian, noticing Sully's bad mood, tried to talk with him and draw him away from his sad thoughts, but Sully was not up to conversation now.   
  
  
"Sully, will you miss Dr.Quinn?" Brian finally asked.   
  
  
"Excuse me, Brian, but I don't want to talk about this now." Sully answered darkly, but Brian didn't pay attention.   
  
  
"Colleen is reading some novel," he continued, "there was one lady, married as well, but she ran away from her husband. What if you kidnap her? I think, she would like it!"   
  
  
"Brian, just cut it out!!!!" Sully immediately felt sorry for yelling at Brian, but it was too late, little boy's lower lip trembled, and his eyes filled with tears.   
  
  
"You don't love us anymore!" he declared resentfully.   
  
  
"Course I do." Sully answered firmly, "Brian, I'm sorry.." But Brian just looked at him angrily and turned away.   
  
  
"Hey, come here!" Matthew hissed from his room, "come here Brian."   
  
  
The boy reluctantly obeyed.   
  
  
"Why are you bothering Sully?" Matthew asked his little brother.   
  
  
"He doesn't need us anymore! He's thinking about that lady-doctor!"   
  
  
"You're so stupid, you know that Brian!" Colleen blurted out, "Sure Sully loves us! He just feels sad, that's all. He and Dr. Quinn love each other, but they can't be together.... because she's married."   
  
  
"I'd feel sad too, if that would have happened with me and Ingrid." Matthew added, "Brian, even you get in a bad mood from time to time."   
  
  
"Yeah, I guess so," Brian sighed, "So, Sully still loves us and wants us?"   
  
  
"Sure he does! Colleen said, "But he needs our help now."   
  
  
"Good." Brian agreed, "I'll go talk to him and make things right."   
  
  
"Just don't ask him more foolish questions!" Matthew warned him with a quick smile to his little brother.   
  
  
"Brian!" Sully called the boy before he opened his mouth, "Come here please."   
  
  
Brian approached him, "I need to apologize to you," Sully said, "I was wrong, yelling at you. I'm sorry Brian."   
  
  
"I'm not mad at you anymore." Brian answered, "I know you didn't want to hurt me. You're just feeling sad."   
  
  
"Yes, but it doesn't mean I had any reason to raise my voice to you like that. I want you to know that you three always will be my family, and I will love you whatever happens."   
  
  
Brian smiled broadly, "I love you too Pa!"   
  
  
Michaela walked slowly toward the clinic. She was so perplexed and upset, that she could barely fight back the tears.   
  
  
All her thoughts were spinning around Sully. She felt so comfortable and happy with him, as they were two parts of a single whole.   
  
  
"I'll tell David that I want to leave him. We have no children, and can divorce without much trouble. David is only concerned with himself, so it wouldn't be painful for him. I'll go to Colorado Springs together with Sully and the children, that way I'll have a chance to finish what I've started."   
  
  
She tried to persuade herself, to find the courage, until she suddenly imagined the faces of her mother and sisters, and sighed gravely.   
  
  
"Michaela, where've you been?!" David asked, "I've been searching for you all night!!!"   
  
  
"I had a patient." Michaela answered coldly, "it was a difficult case, so I couldn't leave."   
  
  
She lowered her eyes, but David looked at her suspiciously, "Michaela, it seems you're hiding something from me."   
  
  
She raised her eyebrows, "Why David, that's so unusual for you to worry about my feelings." She glared at him, "Tell me David, what's still holding us together?"   
  
  
"We're husband and wife!" he answered, anger in his voice.   
  
  
"Yes, but we're like strangers at the same time. You didn't want me to be your partner in clinic. You didn't want me to have children....."   
  
  
"Michaela. you must understand that it's a big risk at your...our age, but we could adopt a baby, if that's what you need."   
  
  
"Adopt? What I need?" The disgust appeared on her face, "You mean...   
  
  
take a baby from the orphanage?" Michaela remembered Sully, who adopted three children without any doubts. Least of all, she thought about the generosity of his deed, that he did this just because the Cooper children needed someone to take care of them and love them.   
  
  
"This is all enough David!" She finished firmly, "That's enough for me, and I want to leave you, David!"   
  
  
She had anticipated his anger, or cold silence, everything except his reaction, when he kneeled by her, pleading with her not leave him.   
  
  
Michaela was shocked. She thought it would be easy to leave the man, who seemed so indifferent to her, but David still loved her. "Michaela please, don't leave me, I beg you!" he pleaded desperately, "I can't live without you. It's all just my bad temper, but we can start all over again, Michaela."   
  
  
She remained silent.   
  
  
"If you won't give me another chance, the only way for me is to not live anymore, kill myself," he said calmly, so calmly, that Michaela shivered in horror, "I think it's easy for a physician to choose a method."   
  
  
His words were not just a trick to move her to pity. Sure, David had a bad temper that had become even worse in the last few years, but, in spite of all his selfishness, she was the woman he loved.   
  
  
All that had happened with them was only her fault, and she couldn't allow another person to suffer, even to take his own life, because of her cowardice. She made a mistake, and she must pay for this herself.   
  
  
"Stand up, David," she said wearily, "I'll stay. We'll try to start all over again..."   
  
  
When the train started off, Sully noticed Michaela standing at the platform. She was here, he had to look twice. He leaned his forehead against the train window, looking at her helplessly.. She didn't come closer to them to say good-bye. Perhaps, she was right, definitely right. Neither Michaela, nor Sully couldn't bear this ordeal too last more, but both of them felt despair and sadness inside.   
  
  
Suddenly Sully heard a sound behind him,.. He turned away. There were the kids, all three, looking at him silently, and he could see the sympathy and love in their eyes. His children. His family.   
  
  
v "We're going home," Brian broke the silence, "I miss home, don't you Sully?"   
  
  
Looking into these faithful eyes, he forced himself to turn away from the window, "Yes.. we have a lot of things to do at home."   
  
  
Brian sighed, "I know you still feel sad, but we're here, with you."   
  
  
Sully smiled a bit and stroked the boy's hair.   
  
  
"Sure, Brian. You're the best family I ever could have wished for."   
  
  
"Sully?" Brian asked him again, "You won't feel sad forever will ya?"   
  
  
"No Brian, not forever," Sully answered seriously, "I'll survive this. You just gotta give me a little time."   
  
  
"That's good Sully, we'll give you time." He smiled with satisfaction.   
  
  
Two elders approached them, and they were standing there together for a long time, looking at the sights through the train window.   
  
  
v That was Sunday morning, and Michaela, as usual came to the church right from the train depot. She was late a little, but David took seats near the door, and nobody noticed this.   
  
  
"Where've you been?" he asked her in a whisper.   
  
  
"Visited a patient." she said, noticing the tension on his face she added, "That was my last visit. They left."   
  
  
She lowered her eyes, fighting back tears. Reverend Simpson opened his Bible and read, "The water surrounded me, even to my soul, the deep closed around me, weeds were wrapped around my head. I went down to the moorings of the mountains. The earth with its bars closed behind me forever."   
  
  
"The deep closed around me." Michaela had thought,-"that's right."   
  
  
Tears streamed down from her eyes again. She lost the right way, and now was forced to wander some winding, lonely, circuitous path for the rest of her life....   
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
Epilogue  
  
Michaela Quinn still was standing at the St.Louis train depot, nervously fingering the ticket in her hands. The train was late.   
  
  
"The water surrounded me, even to my soul.." the loud voice behind her managed to turn her back. She saw two aged woman, who were waiting for the train as well. One of them opened her rugged Bible and read aloud to another woman, who, perhaps, couldn't read.   
  
  
"The earth with its bars closed behind me forever."   
  
  
Sure, Michaela recognized this verse, she often heard it at the church. It was from thebook of Jonah, the Prophet, who tried to avoid his vow, and was swallowed by the large whale.   
  
  
Michaela never was superstitious, but, she didn't know why, it sounded like a warning to her.   
  
  
She was scared to go to this wilderness, that was the truth. But there were patients, waiting for a physician, waiting for someone like her. They could die without her medical treatment, and it would be her fault. Besides that, she thought, this brave and imprudent action could change her own life, the life of a doctor without a practice, and the grass widow. When the woman finished the verse: " I will pay what I have vowed", Michaela knocked on the cashier's window.   
  
  
"Excuse me, would you please take my ticket back? I've changed my mind. She ran to the stagecoach, calling the porter while running,   
  
  
"Please, take my bags! I'll pay you more, but hurry!"   
  
  
The stagecoach stopped at the center of the muddy townsquare. Michaela picked up her skirts and carefully approached the local store's porch.   
  
  
"Pardon me, where I can find Reverend Johnson?" she asked.   
  
  
"Down at the church." the storekeeper answered gloomily.   
  
  
She slowly walked there, trying not to loose her shoes in the deep mud. The scene in the meadow near the church was unlike anything she'd ever seen. There was a small crowd of Indians and soldiers, and several teepees behind them. She also noticed the white man, dressed in half-Indian, half-Western clothes(perhaps, he was the interpreter), and a large timber wolf sitting near his feet.   
  
  
Michaela finally saw the clergyman, who was painting the banisters of the church.   
  
  
"Pardon me," she said again, "Would you be Rev. Timothy Johnson?"   
  
  
"Sure, how may I help you?"   
  
  
She glanced around at the low wooden buildings, muddy ground over at the crowd of Indians and soldiers, at this half-breed interpreter with his wolf.. all of this, this wild and strange place, she would call her home from this day forward.   
  
  
She took a deep breath and said:   
  
  
"I'm Michaela Quinn, your new doctor... "  
  
  
  



End file.
